Let’s Get It Started

 

“You really suck, you know that?”

I’m not starting a blog to name and shame anyone (thanks brain, for already assuming there’ll be plenty of shame on the horizon), but I fully intend to document any dates, sexual encounters, one-night-stands, three-night-stands, relationships, situationships and everything in between, and I will be using this platform in part as my own personal TripAdvisor for Tinder.

To spare my victims - sorry, dates - an ounce of humility, I’ll refrain from using their real names and instead opt for a suitable nickname. Subtle… 

For instance, the last guy I dated (and who very nearly put me off ever wanting to date again) will be affectionately known hereafter as The Vampire. While he may not have sucked blood he certainly left me feeling drained in a more emotional sense (I was so tempted to call him Count Dickula, but I’ll save that for a post-cocktail blog post some other time). 

I’d feel like a bit of a count to dismiss it as nothing more than a rebound but I suppose in essence it was, by default at least. But hey, those confusing few months reminded me to never put boys’ feelings before my own, and to always wear a string of garlic around my neck on future first dates, in the hopes it’ll ward off anyone who might attempt to suck the fun out my life, or who hisses back into their coffin at the slightest hint of commitment.

Damn, should have called this blog Buffets and Vampire Layers...